Dear Skylar,
I'm writing this while knowing that no one is going to read it. I'm really fucking tired, you know? I've been so tired lately but  I have to be strong so that I can be one year clean of self-harm. The urges have been so fucking bad. I have a lot of mixed feelings but they always end to be like shit.
The future is scaring the fuck out of me, and I have got nothing else to do but stay here and watch everything fall down.

After what was going on my life, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just felt that I needed to be away from people as long as I can. I couldn't remember the last time I felt truly happy, when somebody or someone caused me to laugh so hard my stomach pained or my jaw ached. I was alone. The worst part of my illness was that people always thought that I was the one who made everything up, they thought that I was one of those 'attention seekers' that we see almost every day. But if they even knew what was going on in my life, they would know that nobody, really, would like to face such pain.
I thought that music helped me, even though I knew it was forbidden in my religion. I always felt that I was not good enough to anything; I couldn't be a good person, I couldn't complete my chores, I couldn't be a good student and so on. 'Z' and I, we were good friends, but when people around you see that you're finally happy with someone, glad that you met him and you will just start a new happy life, they won't stop to worsen everything between you and that person, and that what happened. We always made up quickly after everything, but when you keep forgiving someone you love, too many times, automatically, you will hate him. That what people said.. But because I didn't quite believe in that thing, I was even more depressed; I felt that people were using me, which was a fact, and I felt so pathetic that the only thing to take all of this out, was to take it on myself.
My life was made up of hopeless dreams. They've promised that dreams can come true but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.